love day

love day

wrote on february 14 2013

today is love day.
today, i do love thee.
as well as tomorrow
and the days to come.

to love is a gift and to know how to love with a truly open heart can be challenging.  i constantly am reminding myself ... asking myself ... did i look at that situation, that person with an open heart ... a place of love?

if you can do that, then all will be well, always.  it's just harder than it sounds.  the ego, amongst many other little beasts, get in the way and absorb the love that could come from most situations.

make everyday LOVE day.  come to the table of life with an open heart.

life changing

life changing

HOPE ( No. 1)


you look like
fire
and brim stone
your eyes
well up
like pools,
reflections
of some truth.

i see you
laying there,
tangled and pulled and bent and gnarled,
dripping and oozing
with life,
hope.

we think
you are
recognizing
voices,
faces.

hallelujah,
i say hallelujah!




WHOLE (No. 2)


chatter of emergencies
and wrecks and tests,
wind blowing my hair,
paper and cigarette butts,
change rattling,
humming ...
i hear,
gentle humming.

waiting.

w a i t i n g.

we're waiting,
but blessed.
blessed with hope.
blessed with heart.

in the middle,
we started.

praying, knowing
what we wished ...
that you'd wave,
blink an eye ...

move, please move.

wake up,
heal up,
come back to us,
WHOLE.



A PLAN?  (No. 3)


metal chunked and twisted
fast cars and liquor
don't fix
anything.

leftovers on pavement,
we wished you would
have stayed!

lines, bubbles, machines
all pacing,
helping you, stay
with us.

it plays continuously
in my memory,
continuously burdening
my heart ...

to go back
and make you
stay.

but, i could not,
you could not
and you walked where you must
in god's plan.

because ...
god does have a plan,
for you.



THE MUSIC (No. 4)


music in your ears,
hear, do you hear me?

music in your heart,
feel, do you feel me?

music in your eyes,
see, do you see me?

i need you to wake up
and hear the music.

i need you to wake up
and feel my presence.

i need you to wake up
and see me
standing,
up, for you.

tell me
that you
know me,
knowing you,
knowing me.

tell me
the music hasn't stopped.



***the life changing poems are very dear to my heart.  i wrote these within a week or so after july 31, 2011, but just getting around to sharing them.  this day was life changing for many people, especially two of my dear friends.  they were hit by a drunk driver and their lives, along with their families and friends, were forever changed.  i will never forget that night or all the months that came after ... never.  it has changed me.  it is a miracle that they are both alive today, but the journey has been a long and challenging one and the journey is not over.  i don't want to go into more details, but the ones that experienced this with us will know what it was like, what it is like.  there was so much intense energy at the ER and ICU during that first week, as well as the many months after ...  i just started writing a bit about the energy i felt from myself and others around me.  we were all joined with similar energy and hope and constant prayer.  these are for my friends and their families.  i love you guys.

you never know, when in an instant, life as you know it will change, forever.  take hold of the beauty and blessings today and don't take anyone or anything for granted.  make your self this promise.  i have.

for good.

for good.

the after effects of the mind
death and rebirth?
or does dead really mean dead?
and generation is not to come for me,
for you?

we are open and we are closed
"i don't think you get any warning"
is a scary thought
especially since i believed
you would always be graced to know,
as if it mattered
to the all knowing

how are we to prepare
in the process
if we are not to know
what is to come
how we dare say we will know

preparing for the blackness
while we live in the light

the blackbirds fly, the sunset is gone
our eyes shut, our minds quiet, our hearts still
we say goodbye, for good.

beginnings and endings

beginnings and endings

we fight an endless battle; the cycle in which nothing ends or begins.  the cycle when everything ends and everything begins.  the battle, the cycle, continues, for which, there is nothing to to win or lose.  yet we, as a whole, are bound and trifled by the attempt to understand and live by this winning and losing. but it does not exist, it is not there, it is not so.

once you figure this, you may see the pettiness of your ways.  i have.  you no longer hold tightly onto the things that once revved your engine.  but still ... you go.

where the heart and soul is

where the heart and soul is

you know, i realized a lot on my travels abroad.  i realized life is short ... and not as complicated as it sometimes comes across.  life holds no importance to beauty or vanity or money, none.  these things are not of importance.  nor where you are from or the language you speak, nor your accomplishments or what you strive to be in your career or what not.

to me, it's your perspective and attitude at any given moment, always.  this never stops, never will.  no matter who you are, where you are from, what language you speak, what you strive to be or your accomplishments or what you are going through ... you should always be checking your perspective and attitude and always respecting and trying to understand the footsteps of others ...

and where your heart and soul is, this is of the utmost importance, always.


* and remeber this quote, i think it is lovely and right on point:

in the quiet, i find myself

in the quiet, i find myself

in the quiet, i find myself breathe.
slow and purposefully,
the rhythm is found.
leaving what was
to what is, i push myself
to move forward.

thinking.

all these rhythms and tunes,
all the waves and islands,
all the times i find
life, moving forward
all the times i find
life, stopped.

in the quiet, i find myself praying.
to understand,
to know grace,
to constantly seek peace.

in the quiet, i find myself
respecting the blessings,
more importantly,
respecting the pruning.

things move on.
life moves on.
we move on.
i move on.

leaving what will be
in the future,
leaving it to be
on it's own.

in the quiet, i find myself praying
for peace in the present
and
knowing my place in the present.

slow and purposefully
the rhythm is finding
it's place within my life.
thank god.

today, i will live.

today, i will live.

In the morning ...

I try to figure out what is important ... overall in life or just for the day.  But, usually I'm thinking about both, amongst everything else that is firing off in my brain.

I think of important things, silly things, chores I need to get done.  I think of the present, but am still shaken sometimes by the past, and I definitely am always thinking of the future.  I would like to concentrate more on the present because the past has already been given it's time and glory and the future is another whole adventure on it's own.

If I don't let myself become consumed with the present, soon it will be over and already have a place in my past.  What does it mean to truly live life in the present?  How do we really concentrate on this and live life to the fullest daily, without sacrificing our dreams for the future?

It's one of things I've learned, that you have to plan, prepare, and work hard for your future ... to achieve what you want out of your life.  But, as I am busy making plans, life has it's own story for me.  Balancing these two is what is tricky.  Understanding where you are and where you want to be.

AND accepting things that you cannot control is priceless.

I always feel I'm several steps behind where I want to be, therefore, this is constantly throwing me into a never ending cycle of "getting caught up" in my life or getting my life "in order".  This is exhausting.  As soon as you reach the place you thought you wanted to be, it's never enough, because you have 20 more things you need to do to get "caught up on" and get things "in order".

Everything will never be "in order" like this.  There will ALWAYS be more; more things to do, more characteristics to work on and be, more adventures to seek after, more goals to set, more people to see, more chores to do, more bills to pay.  It does not stop, until it does.  But, hopefully, that's a long way off.

So, if I know there will always be more, more, more ... why do I stress myself out thinking I can never "catch up"?  Why can't I be extremely happy in my current position, in my current state?  Don't get my wrong, I usually am happy where I am BUT I'm always thinking I need to BE more, DO more.  I see the potential in myself and don't want to let myself down.

Even if no one else had faith in me, my life, my dreams, I have FAITH in it.  God has faith in me and I have faith in God.  I have faith in the journey.  I have faith that I am constantly being molded and matured and centered and becoming more and more at peace with life's journey.  THAT is important.

I woke up this morning doing the regular rambling of the mind, only to find myself questioning this.  It makes my heart beat fast and my mind race.  I smoke more cigarettes, I drink more coffee, I worry.  So, I sat quietly for a moment (that does wonders by the way) and thought about why I do what I do, especially in the mornings.  Then, I started questioning what is truly important.  What is truly important to focus our energy on?

Well, I concluded one answer for sure.  It is not WORRYING.  That gets me absolutely nowhere, except in a heart pumping, mind racing, jittery state that then paralyzes me.  Because by doing this, I have zapped all of my positive energy and given it over to the negativity, the what ifs, the past, the future.  And my point is to be thankful and present in the moment, TODAY.

THAT is what is important.

   
Another thing that was laid on my heart this morning, which ties in with everything above, is "inner peace". What exactly is "inner peace"?  Of course, we have a quick answer and think we understand what it is.  But I was asking myself to dig deeper on what exactly it is to me AND how I can live and breathe it constantly.

Maybe in a next post I will write more on this, but until then, try to find your peace amongst the chaos.

Check out my art here, Dawn Sanders-Myers

a random wednesday

a random wednesday

(actually written on wednesday, june 27, 2012)


how many wednesdays do we get?  once we look back, will we remember a single wednesday? this irrelevancy, these details, all are in the way like a cloud mass of the brain. but as fate would have it, i am living on a wednesday today and thus i need to account for today. this day.

this day is like a mirror.  it is reflecting a single sound over and over again, i will hear it often.  it will call to me every other minute of every other day, waiting. the symbolism of a bell in a city, the sound barrier of truth, of signal, or warning, of remembrance.  this symbology rings all too well as with our inner beat, sound wave, and pull.

so, this is my wednesday, a reflection of self, world, self, world.  except today, i see a lot of self, intertwined with this inner lining of cool water. when all i see in the reflection is of the self, i cannot function as properly as one should. it is blinding and confusing and you cannot recognize what you may have with this distraction.  therefore, i must rid the obsessiveness of self that we all, definitely i included, swim in daily.

it is magical in a sense, this wednesday, for it is no other and has been no other.  in that fashion, it is history in the making.  forty four minutes of history left to write of this wednesday, to be precise.  what did i write in history today? nothing of exceptional importance, nothing i will remember when i look back on all my wednesdays, but i never know how i could have affected something in the midst of the ever turning change.  i could have done something to contribute, well, at least that is what i hope for.

or not.  because it is okay "if not".  it is okay to just be okay on an okay, random wednesday.

most of the time.

but most of the time, the times that bell clangs and sways in your heart, then you know.  then you know there is more.  then you know you have a purpose, that the time is of the essence, that a new signal, a new tone will come soon.


this random wednesday, i learned to listen to the inner beat of my heart ... and let my brain go for a nap.

check out how i transform some of these thoughts into art .... 

say what you need to say

say what you need to say

i feel lost and free
and bundled into knots
my hair is wild
and likes to run
but, somehow,
keeps getting forced
into tiny black
rubber bands.

restricted,
keep it tame
keep it slicked back
and manageable,
free from imperfections
or ideas that it
can be free.

others won't like that,
only... they would,
they do
they want to do that
but won't
so they want to
keep you there too.

pull that hair back, woman.
follow the crowd
over there ...

or

just let it run wild.

silence in this life

silence in this life

twas the moment i once told you
life had no beginning, it sat still,
sat waiting for combustion of truth ...
in the light,
it sang it's melodies
of riversides, mountains
people and movement
in the dark it waited
quietly...
it had no beginning,
no end is coming
it sits still in all eternity
travels with speed of light
and both
are same in form.

at once grab your candle,
at once sit still in night,
know you are
constantly moving,
know the silence
in this life.

definition of happiness 2004 exercise

definition of happiness 2004 exercise

in 2004 i wrote:

(1) write your definition of happiness.

emerging yourself into the life within you and around you.  enjoying every second for what it is.  giving more.  wanting less.  forgiving with ease.  no anger.  immersed in love, with love.  loving the skin you are in.  gratitude for everything.  meeting new people.  going new places.  not being afraid.  not worrying.  excellent relationships.  fabulous communication.

(2) list people, possessions, achievements and events you thought would bring you happiness, but haven't.  what was the false promise in each?

i thought certain people, at certain times (in certain circumstances) would make me happy... would help complete me.  and yet, as they enhance me on my journey, no other completes me in the way i seek.  it is within myself, with God, within the understanding of being.  it is much deeper than any person would allow you to think.  it is all within, but yet, outside sources can support or discourage, which undeniably (at times) makes a difference in self-realization.

**still sounds good to me 8 years later!  i love finding old journal entries.

we are the difference.

we are the difference.

what if in the planned routines of our life, the times we plan to make a difference, we didn't.  but maybe it's the in-between seconds, that we undeniably set a course of passion and, then, in those exact times, we make the difference.  we are the difference.

the artist's way and vows

the artist's way and vows

the artist's way:  walking in this world ---->
to walk in this world, to follow the artist's way - one must walk with his head high and his hands digging deep and searching low ... the energy of the soul must be strong.  deep, strong, pure, vigorous energy - positive channeling that would manifest itself to good fruits in your walk, in your life.  to walk where you must to follow - one must give up and at the same time gain life ... a constant cycle, a constant battle of balancing - a constant balancing of of change and repetition.

we live, we grow, we learn, we change, we are molded and we mold.  we embark, we hide, we seek, we find, we lend, we take, we sleep, we wake - we live.  we all can live but what is it to truly walk, to truly climb or to truly dig ... either of these actions, no matter what, indicate that you are going somewhere and/or finding something or seeing something new - you are not stagnant.  to me, that is truly walking in this world and following the artist's way.

VOW:
to look, to seek, to find, to be passionate, to be confident yet humble, to stand strong and love softly, to persevere, to be conscience and aware, to be of service, to share, to learn, to leap, to dive, to trust, to be true, to walk against the tide, to walk on the wild side, to be different, to love your enemies, to love yourself, to make changes, to be courageous, to not be judgmental, to accept what you cannot change, to reject what is not good for you, to love life and your own walk, to never ever give up, to always try your hardest.

things i've learned as i've aged

things i've learned as i've aged

1.  things always change
2.  you learn to be more graceful with yourself
3.  you don't know what you thought you knew
4.  forgiving becomes easier
5.  you learn to love exactly who you are
6.  you definitely learn that you are not invincible

the surface of us

the surface of us

beauty in my mind sits with the simple oddities.  the surface of things is appealing, but what's really of interest is why the surface is and how has it happened?  the same is with people, what's going on on the inside so much, that eventually what has been formulated within has transpired to the surface.  you cannot only look at a persons face, but deep in their eyes, the way their hands have worn, do they have wrinkles that tell secrets of much laughter through their life?  the routines and life lines of any given person act as a grid, eventually forming the future, their future perspective of life, and most definitely how they will handle it.  what instances are so in depth, so astounding, that they can change the course of a life?  it changes who they were suppose to become.  they were either given a new chance, or in a moment, their chance was taken.  i'm guessing these changes come from great losses, the most profound ones at least.  they are earned from great gains as well.  or they can be set in motion by lack of gains or losses, and the voice of repetition causes a great change.  because in human life, drama is essential to the growth of who we are becoming.  things need to change, events happen to stir up emotion, that hence forth calls upon action, which comes before change.  so this drama, these changes are reflected, eventually, into the surface of any individual.  it is written all over them.

so, the way you feel about life will show up on your face :)

know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em

know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em

things seem to get complicated, life these days.

learning when to push forward, pull back, or stay put ... isn't quite as easy as it once was.  maybe because we become more aware of the domino effect.  one thing always leads to the next and the course of difficulty (sometimes) is seriously deciding which direction you would like to go ... and a lot of things just seem to happen on their own (sort of) and you learn how to adjust your life accordingly and your perception too.  amazing where you are led when you don't fight it, but rather embrace it and just adjust your perception.  learning to listen and act on the inner voice is a skill that i acquire more everyday ... and a blessing.