*old journal entry found from june 24, 2011
i think i understand what this world is made of and what it may have to offer ... half the time.
it's full of questions and answers, actions and reactions, meaning and meaninglessness.
in due time, it has the power to humble and set straight even the loudest of characters. for when we are born, we set in motion our death ... and all the ounces in between, of this great weight, is in the living.
birth, living, death.
i just read somewhere, according to some grande studies, that most do not ponder this is their life, unless their life has come to a crossroads where they, indeed, intersect death in some form. only then, do they gain back their memory of death.
i don't know if i'm an exception, or i'm morbid or something (well, i think not, for i know thyself), but i think of this natural process often. i try to find meaning as to why i understand this cycle, most days, i think i know. my conclusion is that we must not shy away from it, because in due time, well at anytime, it's confidently ours for the taking. to pretend otherwise, i believe, is just foolish and, well, will leave too much shell shock if allowed to burst in all at one time.
my other conclusion is reason, logic, and understanding of natural order in this life, (we'll talk about empathy later). everything has this order; and everything cycles. i'm obsessed with change; it's many forms, it's meaning, the questions of why. and it's been answered: because. because that's the way it is. it works. what's most fascinating is watching these changes and seeing (right away or a ways down the line) ... the ripple affect. ever heard of the story that one butterfly's flap of wing can possibly cause great change all the way across the world.
just imagine!
can we control this change? no. what? are we not supposed to let that little butterfly fly? of course not, fly and run your course, we would advise. same with us, fly and run your course. trust in the process, do not fear it. but i believe, in order not to fear it, we have to face it, accept it, understand it the best way we can. to pretend it's not there is a grave mistake ... and, well, useless.
i think by the end of it, we will have to change in so many ways. it's a process of embracing and then, letting go. a life of learning this is awaiting you, whether you like it or not. a fact in my book.
so, in order to face this, accept this, understand this - we first may have to recognize why we may fear it. i think a lot of things are tangled and tied into this fear ... but all these things will have to change, take on new form, and be embraced for what they are in order to face the fear ...
without the fear.
it's tangled in meaning and purpose and assumptions. we all live by these and are somewhat uniquely defined by the way we define and live by our own meanings, purpose, and assumptions. i feel what gets in the way are very simple things, yet they act so profoundly as stumbling blocks in gaining this perspective and, then, we have to learn how to release it properly. vanity, pride, selfishness, self and/or society induced importance. these are serious and how you understand them can cause great affliction or great relief. all of them interwoven precariously in our own perception of ourselves vs. the world.
so, with that said, let's clear something up, now pay attention, for this is very important:
we are all equal. we are ALL on the same playing field. always. every last person that is alive, that came before you and will come after you ... all on the same playing field.
ALL = SAME.
this will shoot your vanity , pride, self importance down, for sure, and with great hope. don't get me wrong, you are important and were created with a purpose ... but you are not THAT important. and that's completely
OKAY.
okay, yes, you are different and, yes, your life holds value ... but no more than the rest of us. so, i'm sure some of you reading already get this ... and if so, let this be affirmation. for the others, please take note and do not let this discourage, but encourage.
this is a very encouraging insight.
now is the time to step outside of yourself and understand you are part of a whole. a PART.
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