today, i will live.

today, i will live.

In the morning ...

I try to figure out what is important ... overall in life or just for the day.  But, usually I'm thinking about both, amongst everything else that is firing off in my brain.

I think of important things, silly things, chores I need to get done.  I think of the present, but am still shaken sometimes by the past, and I definitely am always thinking of the future.  I would like to concentrate more on the present because the past has already been given it's time and glory and the future is another whole adventure on it's own.

If I don't let myself become consumed with the present, soon it will be over and already have a place in my past.  What does it mean to truly live life in the present?  How do we really concentrate on this and live life to the fullest daily, without sacrificing our dreams for the future?

It's one of things I've learned, that you have to plan, prepare, and work hard for your future ... to achieve what you want out of your life.  But, as I am busy making plans, life has it's own story for me.  Balancing these two is what is tricky.  Understanding where you are and where you want to be.

AND accepting things that you cannot control is priceless.

I always feel I'm several steps behind where I want to be, therefore, this is constantly throwing me into a never ending cycle of "getting caught up" in my life or getting my life "in order".  This is exhausting.  As soon as you reach the place you thought you wanted to be, it's never enough, because you have 20 more things you need to do to get "caught up on" and get things "in order".

Everything will never be "in order" like this.  There will ALWAYS be more; more things to do, more characteristics to work on and be, more adventures to seek after, more goals to set, more people to see, more chores to do, more bills to pay.  It does not stop, until it does.  But, hopefully, that's a long way off.

So, if I know there will always be more, more, more ... why do I stress myself out thinking I can never "catch up"?  Why can't I be extremely happy in my current position, in my current state?  Don't get my wrong, I usually am happy where I am BUT I'm always thinking I need to BE more, DO more.  I see the potential in myself and don't want to let myself down.

Even if no one else had faith in me, my life, my dreams, I have FAITH in it.  God has faith in me and I have faith in God.  I have faith in the journey.  I have faith that I am constantly being molded and matured and centered and becoming more and more at peace with life's journey.  THAT is important.

I woke up this morning doing the regular rambling of the mind, only to find myself questioning this.  It makes my heart beat fast and my mind race.  I smoke more cigarettes, I drink more coffee, I worry.  So, I sat quietly for a moment (that does wonders by the way) and thought about why I do what I do, especially in the mornings.  Then, I started questioning what is truly important.  What is truly important to focus our energy on?

Well, I concluded one answer for sure.  It is not WORRYING.  That gets me absolutely nowhere, except in a heart pumping, mind racing, jittery state that then paralyzes me.  Because by doing this, I have zapped all of my positive energy and given it over to the negativity, the what ifs, the past, the future.  And my point is to be thankful and present in the moment, TODAY.

THAT is what is important.

   
Another thing that was laid on my heart this morning, which ties in with everything above, is "inner peace". What exactly is "inner peace"?  Of course, we have a quick answer and think we understand what it is.  But I was asking myself to dig deeper on what exactly it is to me AND how I can live and breathe it constantly.

Maybe in a next post I will write more on this, but until then, try to find your peace amongst the chaos.

Check out my art here, Dawn Sanders-Myers